im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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