She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
