Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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