he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize