theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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