Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
