Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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