so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize