i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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