i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He better not be in your backpack
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
All I want is dick and wine.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
