all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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