His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
