i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
