when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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