I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
