In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
