omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize