my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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