that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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