do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
