He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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