Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
