i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
