god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
