you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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