I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
