It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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