Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
