this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
