i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
