I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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