So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
