I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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