My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
