Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
