It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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