i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just made out with a guy for $7.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
