I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
