i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
