So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
