Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
