Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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