I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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