we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
