I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
