it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize