Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
