alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
