I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
