I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
