Whod you bang
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
