shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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