next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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