he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
tell me about the fingering
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