So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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