When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize