Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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