I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
