is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
