i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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