exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
