First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
